Invasion
My recurring dream involves an instant baby. This has happened so often
that I am now confronted with babies of different races, genders and ages.
Sometimes I have the baby and endure the entire labor. Other times the baby
magically appears. Every time I decide I am stuck with it and must care for it.
I find it amazing that I have never once said F that shit and left it on a
doorstep somewhere. I mean there’s gotta be a Daddy Warbucks out there for
real, right?
So these needy creatures appear, and by that I mean babies. There is
instant panic and pressure and the desire to shop. This child must have it all.
I also have the undeniable feeling that no one in the world could tear this
child from my arms. Um, remember me? I don’t even like to hold babies so I don’t
know what this is about.
There I am with useless child and decide I need everything. A crib, a
car seat, strollers, diapers, food, clothes. And I need it yesterday. I often
let the kid sleep in a drawer because that seems logical when deep in REM. I
also know there are rules, like don’t drive with your kid on your lap on don’t leave
magic babies home alone while you go on a shopping spree. Such is the dilemma
of how to transport insta-child to said store to buy it everything it needs?
Riddle me this.
I end up consumed with frustration and overwhelmed with change. I never
asked or wanted any of this. I want to fight it but I don’t. I am always annoyed
with myself for not fighting it. Give it away, I say. Leave it, I say. But I never
do. I always manage somehow to provide for this invader.
I wake up each time and know I must be pregnant. Fortunately that
delusion is short lived. Still, if I’ve eaten too much or feel bloated I blame
an imaginary pregnancy (because how does one become so fat so fast?) It’s the
only logical explanation. I steer clear of infants at all times because I don’t
want their fertility germs or stem cells near me. It could be catching. I’m not
built for kids, I was not meant for them, and the invasion dreams are an absolute
assault on my choice of lifestyle. I need a ray gun of sorts. Or strong
sleeping pills.
