Invasion
My recurring dream involves an instant baby. This has happened so often
that I am now confronted with babies of different races, genders and ages.
Sometimes I have the baby and endure the entire labor. Other times the baby
magically appears. Every time I decide I am stuck with it and must care for it.
I find it amazing that I have never once said F that shit and left it on a
doorstep somewhere. I mean there’s gotta be a Daddy Warbucks out there for
real, right?
So these needy creatures appear, and by that I mean babies. There is
instant panic and pressure and the desire to shop. This child must have it all.
I also have the undeniable feeling that no one in the world could tear this
child from my arms. Um, remember me? I don’t even like to hold babies so I don’t
know what this is about.
There I am with useless child and decide I need everything. A crib, a
car seat, strollers, diapers, food, clothes. And I need it yesterday. I often
let the kid sleep in a drawer because that seems logical when deep in REM. I
also know there are rules, like don’t drive with your kid on your lap on don’t leave
magic babies home alone while you go on a shopping spree. Such is the dilemma
of how to transport insta-child to said store to buy it everything it needs?
Riddle me this.
I end up consumed with frustration and overwhelmed with change. I never
asked or wanted any of this. I want to fight it but I don’t. I am always annoyed
with myself for not fighting it. Give it away, I say. Leave it, I say. But I never
do. I always manage somehow to provide for this invader.
I wake up each time and know I must be pregnant. Fortunately that
delusion is short lived. Still, if I’ve eaten too much or feel bloated I blame
an imaginary pregnancy (because how does one become so fat so fast?) It’s the
only logical explanation. I steer clear of infants at all times because I don’t
want their fertility germs or stem cells near me. It could be catching. I’m not
built for kids, I was not meant for them, and the invasion dreams are an absolute
assault on my choice of lifestyle. I need a ray gun of sorts. Or strong
sleeping pills.
I need to get out the dream book you gave me and see what it says about babies! I could dissect these dreams in so many ways... maybe it's to say that when you think you don't have the strength to do something if you dig deep it's there? That something doesn't have to be a baby, that's just what most people around you are doing so it's coming out in your dreams. Babies represent life and the mother connection is very unique. It's a connection that you probably yearn for given your situation. It really is mind boggling the way your brain can force you to deal with some things while sleeping that you don't want to deal with while awake. I always say your body won't let you forget things no matter how hard you try...
ReplyDelete