You're a totally selfish bitch.

You’re a totally selfish bitch.

Have we met?  I thought I made that clear from the start. Isn’t that written right here on my name tag?

I never promised to be anything but selfish. This is my life. I’m going to do what I want with it. There are things that I like and things that I don’t like. Maybe you didn’t notice all the times I do the things I don’t like just to make someone else happy. Guess no one is putting a check mark in the non-selfish category for me.

I chose not to have kids. That makes me selfish. I also think it makes me pretty fucking smart to acknowledge that I am that selfish. And for those of you with kids, you’re selfish too. You wanted kids (want = selfish) and you got what you want. Now don’t get me wrong, I have no doubt that (at least the majority of you) put your kids ahead of yourselves and now your selfishness has taken a backseat. That’s excellent. That’s the way it should be. Here’s a cookie.

That’s not my choice. I want to sleep late. Read a book. Ride my bike, walk my dog, take a bubble bath or go to a movie without scrambling for babysitters and fighting the guilt that will ensue for leaving my child so I can enjoy me-time. It’s hard enough seeing my dogs’ faces in the window when I leave for work to make money to buy them bones and treats and food. I wonder where they think I am all day? Well, silly, I’m clearly out being selfish.

I like my independence. I like being alone. I like doing things on my own or for myself. But if we are keeping score maybe you should know how many times I give out dollars or change in class to people who are selfishly in need of sustenance from the vending machines. No, please, don’t pay me back. One day I will need to borrow from you and then we’re even. There are a lot of things I do for people that you should know, but screw that. I don’t need to keep score. I know who I am and I know what I do, have done, and will continue to do for others.

So if it makes you feel better to think that I am selfish you go right ahead. Your opinion does not define me.

I once read that you dislike most in others what you secretly despise in yourself.

Sadly, when I am gone, and it will be soon, you will realize that you never met anyone like me. And it was your loss for not appreciating me while I was here.  (But it’s selfish for me to say that.)

*I laughed several times writing this when I thought I wrote shellfish instead of selfish. Ahh, to be the little mermaid and wear a seashell bra. Heads up that chick was selfish, too…remember her secret cave?