Thoughts While In The Dentist's Chair...

1. There is no other place I will ever go where I allow complete strangers to stuff inanimate objects into my mouth repeatedly and without question.
2. The ceiling needs a tv, or at least a screen saver type mosaic like a kaleidoscope so I can focus on that instead of my hygienist's nostrils. 
3. Latex gloves should be flavored. This way I won't mind them invading my mouth and they may actually taste good. Then again, if the hygienist's gloves tasted like cherry or buttered popcorn it would be hard to resist the desire to lick her fingers (and now we are in uncharted, unwelcome territory.) Strike that. Inappropriate. Next thought...
4. Why should I pay you to take my wisdom tooth? First of all, I keep a lot of wisdom in there. Second, I grew that tooth fair and square. If you want it so badly, make me an offer. 
5. I don't think you are doing any of this correctly. 
6. Why can't I have a copy of my xrays? I could be killed at any moment and this is potential critical evidence. 
7. If I had your x-ray-arm-in-the-magic-wall machine I would xray myself everyday just for fun. 
8. Has she ever xrayed herself for fun?
9. If you ask me about flossing I will lie to you and tell you what you want to hear. On the other hand, if you find popcorn kernel debris I can explain. 
10. I have to pee.